Sometimes it’s so hard to let go, especially when you have built your world around a personality only for him to leave your grip and run away with someone else, with your eyes wide open.
I will look at the solutions from two angles. From the angle of those that are currently going through heartbreaks and those who don’t ever want to experience it.
I want you to know that so many of us cast aspersions at the other party without putting the situation into proper perspective. All some of us see is what had been done to us. We never seek to understand why it was done and how to prevent such in the future and that is why we keep repeating the same mistakes.
For those of us who have been heartbroken or currently going through heartbreaks, the following will be of assistance:
– Put the situation into perspective – It is very important to properly analyze the situation for you to know that it was a relationship that you lost and not your life. If you don’t separate the two, you will not be able to rise above it. And you must understand that your relationship is just one out of the 7 dimensions of every human life.
– Pour out your heart to a counselor or a trusted person – I believe people should be allowed to cry when they need to. So, there is no point trying to bottle up your hurts when you can let it out through tears and counsel. So, I will suggest you talk to a counselor who has the ear to listen and the heart to properly analyze the situation and help you with solutions. I have discovered that what most of us need is someone that is able to listen to our story.
– Forgive and gradually release the person involved – The truth is, there is nothing you can do to reverse what has been done. The only thing you can do is to learn and prevent a future occurrence. I find it shocking when I hear people talk about what happened to them 15years ago as if it happened yesterday, even when they are not sure of the whereabout of the person involved. I have always suggested ‘advance forgiveness’, which says that a forgiving heart is a heart that is willing to forgive before the offence is committed. This aids your growth and helps your maturity. So many people have stopped growing emotionally because of unforgiveness. It may not be easy, but it is something you must do if you want to properly function in your future. Just excuse the person’s ignorance and thank God you are a survivor.
– Avoid getting into an immediate relationship – Often times when you are in a heartbroken state, you find someone that seems to be there for you to share your pains and most of the time you feel the best way to reward that person is a love relationship. It doesn’t usually work that way because you are not in a good position to know what you really need at that time. So, I suggest you take sometime off to overcome your hurts before you take a decision.
– Cultivate yourself and rediscover your values – Work and grow yourself.
– Determine who you need – It is not everyone that you want that is needed in your life. Based on your discovery about yourself, determine who you need.
– Unwind – Visit the movies and other places that can help forget the past
– Avoid generalization – Don’t think every man/woman will treat you like the last guy because I often hear stuffs like ‘All men are the same’. They are not.
– Channel your pain – There are so many people still hurting out there who need your story. Try and share your story with them, it helps you overcome and totally forget about it. ‘The louder you talk, the freer you become’
– Pray – When everything else fails, cling unto the power from above. Ask God to come into your heart and heal you and allow Him do what He alone can do.
NB: First published March 2012
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