I HAVE BECOME MY FATHER’S PROSTITUTE
She looked broken and out of sort as she walked into the counselling room. She was another Nigerian who had suffered in the hands of her fathers. Men who ordinarily should have served as a shield and who should protect her. It is known to lots of us in the field that there is a serious dearth of fatherhood at the moment, because many of our fathers have had their childhood also stolen from them and have never been able to grow out of that situation, which has re-formed them into big time predators and they have started unleashing their terror on our younger girls such that there is no distinction between their daughters and their wives.
She was your so called daddy’s girl and no one could question the attachment being an only girl. Not even her mother could question the closeness, but alas, it was a proximity that would breed immorality as daddy didn’t just start touching her inappropriately; he was also the first to defile her.
She became trapped at some point, but ran away from home at 17 when it became evident that her father was a cultist. Her next point of call, of course, was with her friend who was a student of a leading university in the country. It wasn’t difficult for her to accommodate her because she lived in her room with just a roommate. It was a new life and she felt so relieved at being free from her past. She spent time studying and eventually gained admission into the same university, but according to her, the pressure to take care of herself made her join the gals and their extra-curricular activity was to travel as attaché to politicians. It wasn’t a pleasant life, according to her, but she endured it until she couldn’t take it any longer and had to stop.
At 21, she felt she had seen it all and did meet a man well respected and who was willing to assist her. He was a philanthropist and a deeply religious person. She became his adopted daughter and his wife felt comfortable because she wasn’t the first person they would be helping. Everything was well and she started living like a proper child for the first time in her life. Gone was the fear of a father defiling her and gone was the pressure of meeting her financial burdens as she never lacked anything. For her, he was God-sent and did remind her of her closeness to her father before things went bad.
She was still basking in the euphoria of her new found home when the man she had come to know as her new father came into her room one night. She had become so fond of him, but was shocked when she saw the man in her room. She was too weak to resist him and that was the beginning of another season of pain. She hated what she was doing, but had become helpless. She hated herself and contemplated suicide, especially each time she saw her foster mother who was nothing but an angel of the Lord.
She managed to finish her university education and still respected the man, but couldn’t continue with what had become ‘our secret’. She had gone through depression and was dying under the weight of her guilt before she decided to come and talk to me.
Her final question to me was what prompted this particular piece from my heart to all our men and fathers. Many of us have and some others are presently engaging in detestable practices that must never be revealed. We have been conditioned into sex maniacs who will go to any extent to satisfy our uncontrollable sexual urge to our shame.
Shame on us fathers who hide under the cloak of high libido to have carnal knowledge of the girls that ought to look up to us as role models. Shame on us in positions of authority who now relax with campus girls just because we have some money to lure them into our hotel rooms. Is it not a shame that some of us have three girls at the same time? Have we forgotten when we had nothing and used to cry to God for breakthroughs? Why is our breakthrough now breaking others down?
Shame on us who accuse some of the girls of tempting us into sexual immorality with their seductive dresses (that is not to excuse nudity). What happened to our self control? If you could control yourself not to bed wet at your age, then you should be able to scold or correct any girl that is displaying her private part as a public part instead of losing your head simply because you claim to lack self control
Shame and shame on us adults who have refused to speak out against the sexual perversion currently going on simply because we are also guilty without charge. But one thing is certain. God is willing to give us another chance to make our ways right lest his judgment visits our iniquity without remedy. To every girl that has been defiled, you can also submit to God and allow Him walk you through your healing process, but it is high time we had a new class of men who are not just responsible, but understand their role as men and fathers. We urgently need to submit our sexuality to God as men so that it remains a blessing within our marital boundary and not a curse outside it because broken lives will eventually lead to a broken society. Let’s start building our women and keep our sexuality in check.
We can! We must! We will!
NB: First published November 2014
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