What you say is not what your children do; who you are is what they become and that is why a lot of young people are adopting new parents through mentorship, because many don’t want to become like their parents.
Imagine how different the nation would have been if we had proper role models in leadership? Every day we set the wrong example for our kids by the lifestyle we showcase in the community and the level of lies they hear from the leadership on TV and in the newspapers. In fact, they are no longer impressed by what they hear on the pulpit because the same man who teaches fire and brimstone is equally soliciting for nude pictures and sending his private parts via chats at night to teenage girls, so most of the time they feel we are also in showbiz industry. How many times have you demonstrated the wrong life to your kids by consistently sending the wrong signals?
How many times have you raised your voice to drive home your point or even gotten into a fight with your spouse because you want to have your way? How many times have you badmouthed someone else simply because you don’t get along or spoken ill of another person simply because they don’t practice your religion? What level of seeds of discord have you sown in your kids in the name of religion and denomination and how many people have you actually killed by your reckless and uncontrollable libido?
We all destroy our kids and other people’s self-esteem daily not knowing that is our way of contributing to the destruction of our nation. A new nation starts with your family and it must start with a brand new couple who have accepted to model a brand new lifestyle from their homes. A changed you is all we need to change your family and your changed family is powerful enough to change the community enroute changing the nation.
I often teach the principle of purity of a father’s breath which states that no matter how you pretend about your dual lifestyle to your child, what ultimately forms or shapes his character is the purity of your breath. So, the first question this morning is what is the purity of your breath? Are you the same man or woman at all times or there are different masks you wear, depending on the situation?
I was meditating about the lack of role models in my country, Nigeria, over the weekend and it occurred to me that when I was growing up the people we wanted to be like were the founding fathers of the nation like Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe and the Awolowos of this world, but now that our children are growing up, they are choosing musicians as role models because credible leadership has faded, but the bigger challenge is when your children don’t even want to choose you as their models because of your uninspiring lifestyle.
Coming back to the model of building blocks in family system formation, you must understand that there is always a price to pay for every change we want to see even though it may not always be palatable, but when you keep your focus on the result you want to see, whatever you have to go through becomes endurable. So, here are a few questions that can guide you:
– What is the price we must pay for the new country (family) we want to see? (It might mean one of you may have to resign from paid employment to become an entrepreneur)
– How would we feel if that future becomes a reality?
– Who must we consistently become to achieve that and what must we consistently do?
– What structure must we put in place to ensure we don’t slip back to our faulty lifestyle?
– What weekly/daily activities must we do together as a family to ensure that the future is delivered? Be the change you want to see in your family.
To be continued.