The ultimate state of life is singleness. Unfortunately, we least pay attention to that state in our quest to escape from reality. You were born single and at some point you will be back to being a single person. If you understand that reality, it helps you to place a premium on your life and helps you understand that you don’t need anyone to better you or give you happiness. You can actually be happy by yourself and enjoy life by yourself, without doing things that you wouldn’t be proud of. I am not talking about isolating yourself, I am trying to address singles reading this who feel something is wrong with them in their single state and whose lives have become stagnated by their lack of joy, owing to their unmarried state. Last two weeks, I made a profound statement that there is nothing called marital problem because every marital problem is nothing but sheer ignorance. I went on to list a few areas of ignorance and I am so glad that many of you found yourself within those spheres. I will go ahead today to make some fundamental statements that would be critical to your quest to get married and have the potentials to turn your life around forever, because I think more than ever before that the greatest problem singles have is self and cultural – imposed problems.
· Not everyone will and can be married – Unfortunately, many would argue otherwise. But the truth is that it’s not everyone that can be married and we have to accept that reality. What determines whether you should be married has nothing to do with reproduction. It must start with a critical analysis of yourself, because many are actually better remaining single than being married. I ran a session for a troubled marriage where the woman wanted out because she felt the man was too demanding with respect to sex while the man wanted out because he could no longer take her stand on once in a month sex. I knew there was more to the issue and by the time I started running their session, it became crystal clear that she had always wanted to be a nun, but her mother’s quest to have a grandchild drove her into marriage and she became a victim of culture and made her husband a victim as well. Truth be told, you need to analyze yourself and be sure you are ready for the responsibility that comes with being married.
Marriage may not be for you:
– If you find it difficult as a woman to submit and be held accountable. In fact, if all you want to do is give orders and instructions, then what you may need are domestic servants and not a spouse.
– If your career is a priority and you are unwilling to sacrifice it for anything or anyone. This is so crucial because I have met women who are sold out to their careers and have chosen to focus on it to maximize their lives, but the society in her naivety feels something is wrong with such and label them as mean. I have critical examples of women like this who feel the essence of their creation is to wipe away the tears of others. How effective would a Mother Theresa have been if she were married?
– If you have uncontrollable anger that makes you break your electronics each time you get into that fit, you may not need marriage yet because I have seen such folks get counsel that marriage would solve their problems. Truth be told, a lot could have happened in your past that would require several sessions to fix before you even think of marriage, because such men end up killing their women out of anger. There is a beast trapped in every wife beater that needs to be tamed in a zoo before marriage is considered. And I hope many of you reading this would do a reality check and be honest with yourselves so that our world can be spared of murderers and domestic beasts.
– Marriage may not be meant for you if you don’t or have never had any form of sexual feelings and can’t stand sharing your property or body with someone else. You need to get help to ascertain what the real issues could be, but it could be a pointer to the fact that marriage is not meant for you, at least, till the problem is discovered and where it is not a problem, you can learn to live and be happy without getting into marriage out of pressure.
– Don’t get into marriage if you have same sex tendencies because we have seen a lot of marriages lately where the men will simply get married to dispel rumours of their same sex challenges. All the folks with same sex tendencies are people whose sexuality was distorted at some point in their upbringing, which has caused a reconfiguration of their bodies and would need a reversal from a professional. You can’t afford to marry out of selfishness or the quest to use someone to cover up your weakness, which needs fixing.
To be continued.
NB: First published October 2014