Every leader battles with sexual problems and there is a school of thought that believes that the more passionate you are as a leader, the higher your sex drive. I once worked on a concept called mining the millions in your sex drive because your creativity is most fertile when you feel sexually pressured, unfortunately not so many people have learnt to harness this as they would rather go ahead and engage in illicit sex instead of channeling the urge into something else.
Top class leaders naturally will attract opposite sex, little wonder the man that is regarded as the wisest king in ancient Israel, King Solomon once wrote about a leader: ‘You are much loved by virgins because of your anointing’.
I have interfaced with too many leaders struggling under the burden of sex addictions and the biggest challenge with many of them is who to talk to and how to break free. Many in their bid to cover up their track and assist their partner overcome the compromise sink deeper and deeper till they become hooked and that is why I often warn leaders that you are not well positioned to help someone you have slept with as you need to be helped first.
I often run a 40 day anonymous sexual recovery session for leaders and one of the major issues I have noticed with many of us is our quest to assist the victim, not because many really want her to get better, but because of our selfish ploy to make them forgive us enough not to share the story with anyone so that we can avoid scandals. So, often times after the 10th day, some leaders break their schedule and run away to try and help the person they were sexually involved with, with what they have learnt, only to cry back to me because they found out that instead of helping the person, they slept with the person again.
The sad story for many of these leaders is the fact that because this second time was not properly scripted, often times the girl becomes pregnant and it becomes even a bigger problem. That is why I often recommend for you to get help and recommend a therapist or professional counselor who can assist her as well.
Your sexual challenge is not peculiar to you alone and you can be helped. However, many of us are plagued by societal and religious pressure that places sins in different categories. So, for example, our society overlooks corrupt officers and liars and casts the stone on the sexually challenged. Since that is the way things are structured at the moment, you have to help yourself as a leader with the understanding that a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up and like it has been said, there is no saint without a past and there is no sinner without a future, hence the need for you to recover so that your recovery can inspire and assist others.
Many leaders try to keep their past and paint a picture of a perfect person while speaking, especially religious leaders, but you must realize that you are not really helping people if that is your disposition because an average person who attends your meeting is sexually challenged just like you and there is no point hiding your struggles and how you recovered from them. It doesn’t make them think less of you or disrespect you; it helps them regard you as a man of honour and integrity afterall. A Jewish philosopher, Paul of Tarsus wrote that ‘Comfort others with the comfort you have been comforted’. What that means is that we are healed to heal others and we recover basically to recover others, so don’t hide and die in your sexual struggles.
You must have noticed that when you set a trap for rats and it gets caught, what kills the rat is not necessarily the trap, but the rat’s quest to force itself out of the trap, thereby getting strangled.
There are 12 basic laws that can help every leader live above their sexual struggles and become a leader whose closet life would inspire others and set the standard for the younger generation. I often tell leaders that vocal authority may not be totally effective without moral authority and leadership without moral character is like a beautiful car with a faulty engine; it may travel some miles, but it can’t travel too long before the engine stops and where the engine stops is where the car stops. Many of the leaders who thought they were smart learnt the hard way. Now is the time to go back and apologize to the people you have used as a leader and get help as we begin to look at the time-tested laws of living above every leaders sex battles.
(To be continued.)