If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. ~ Martin Luther King Jr

This is to announce to my wonderful readers that my long awaited book Strictly for wives-time tested secrets of keeping your man from the other woman is finally out. Thanks so much for your patience and encouragements.
The power of security neither resides in our ability to control things or people nor in what we possess because a man’s life as we know doesn’t consist in the abundance of what he has. Security is what is left when everything you own is taken away from you. It is our ability to honestly access ourselves, accept ourselves and celebrate other people without trying so hard to become others or… take their place.
For some weeks we have been looking at insecurity and I must say that I deeply appreciate the sincerity of many of us. I was at a speaking function on Sunday evening on this same issue and I did mention to my audience that insecurity stems from trying to be others or do what they can do. If you were called to be a supporter’s club chieftain never try to become a ‘Jay-Jay Okocha’. Try so hard to support so well that other people become your supporters. When a man falls out of grace what you fall into is disgrace. The bane of many of us is the fact that we have left our place and now trying to compete with others.
If you are called to be a wife, remember that you are not a secretary so don’t try to be one. Same way if you are a husband, strive to become the best husband that ever lived and be comfortable with your territory which is your home. Every time you try to compare yourself to your wife’s boss you may create a problem you may not be able to resolve.
Here are some tips to overcoming insecurity:

• Be the first to congratulate someone who just had a breakthrough even if you felt the person doesn’t deserve it.

• Try to open up your deepest fears to your friends and spouse. Learn to be vulnerable.

• Make it a point of duty to make a new friend every month.

• Start spending some time with your friends with or without your spouse.

• Practice advanced forgiveness with your friends( a heart that is willing to forgive before the offence is commuted.

• If there is someone around your spouse that you are not comfortable with why don’t you buy the person a gift this week and even give the person a call

• Develop a sense of humor such that you laugh at your mistakes

One critical issue when it comes to overcoming insecurity is your willingness to accept yourself the way you are, celebrate yourself and be able to submit to a mentor or an accountability partner who could even be your spouse. Are you willing to confide in your spouse that you have been battling with insecurity all the while and you need his/her help to overcome your insecurity issue starting from now? This might just be the best thing you have ever done since you were born. Opening your insecurity so that you can get help.
Become very secured in yourself and your ability. The pilot of an airline is not more important than the gateman or the cleaner because he can’t fly an empty aircraft without people and no one has more power when it comes to retaining your customers faster than the GM (gateman). If the gateman sees himself as an integral part of the system and does what he has been assigned to do with dignity I am so certain it would positively affect his esteem. Same way many of us need to do what we have been called to do with dignity. Serve your spouse as if you were called to serve the most important person on earth. Meet his/her emotional needs and add value the way no other person does. And take care of the home-front if your attention is not required at whatever meeting he/she is going.
Believe the best about your spouse and expect the best for him because when he/she does well it affects the entire family. Give him/her the desired space; don’t choke him/her.
Here are more tips to overcoming insecurity:

– Believe in yourself and use positive affirmation on yourself and people around you daily.

– Be the first to point out the good spot in someone that everyone complains about- learn to see the roses among thorns and not thorns among roses

– Break the outer shell of the self-doubt you have hidden behind all these years and reach out to others. Say nice things to yourself on a daily basis as well.

– Be comfortable with yourself and whatever you have been called to do even if people perceive it as demeaning. Instead of calling yourself a driver see yourself as a wheel minister because you drive destinies.
Finally anytime insecurity tries to strike you make a list of 10 things you love and appreciate about yourself, your spouse and other people you have issues with and make up your mind never to be their first to spot their negative.
Always remember that you came to this world with nothing (and that includes your spouse) and you will not leave the world with anyone. That should be enough wisdom for you to calm down and enjoy yourself as well as other people that God has brought your way. Remember it is better to build bridges than to dig a dungeon.
Keep loving and start living.

NB: First published July 2012

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