Home FEATURED FAMILY SYSTEMS – Generalizations (4)

FAMILY SYSTEMS – Generalizations (4)


I wrote my last piece with fear and trembling and actually expected to be misunderstood, so it was very easy for me to face the backlash that came with it. However, I must appreciate those that received it with an open mind.
One of the greatest lessons I have learnt in my life and walk with God is that my ways are not always His ways neither are my thoughts His thoughts and that is why He is God. Mankind must accept the fact that God is above every permutation and combination and that is why He can’t be inboxed or how do we explain that the stolen wife of Uriah was still the same woman that gave birth to king Solomon in the Bible or how on earth did Rehab, the prostitute show up in the genealogy of Jesus Christ?
For Christians to pretend that they have not seen non-Christian marriages that worked well would be falsehood and for Muslims to pretend that they have not seen non-Muslim marriages that worked would also be untruthful.
Having travelled far and wide, I have sat with Buddhists with sound marital principles that have passed the test of time; sat with a Muslim mentor who doesn’t believe in polygamy and who told me he has never cheated on his wife and has done everything to promote her interest above himself. I have also sat with solid Christians whose marriages are model homes.
What that has taught me is that anyone who submits himself or herself to godly principles and is humble enough to live by the tenets of a successful home will experience a blissful marriage.
God is no RESPECTER of PERSONS, but in EVERY NATION whosoever fears him and works RIGHTEOUSLY is acceptable by HIM – Simon Peter
Generalizations have separated the best of friends; messed up the best of relationships and poisoned people’s minds against each other such that we have created a world that is bleeding to death with LOVE being the only healing balm required to heal the pain.  The next generalization is: ‘Your life is over once your marriage breaks down and God is done with you’.
I was a bit shocked when I heard this from a woman who had been stripped of her ministerial role in her local assembly simply because she went through a terrible divorce experience against the counsel of her pastor.
I met her at a forum where I was responding to a question on divorce and she chose to come talk to me when I said ‘God is a God of the single, married, divorced and the remarried’. She shared a long story of how her husband left her while she was hospitalized and ran away with a white lover. They relocated and married in Poland and now have three children. Her life was left hanging because of a doctrine that forbade her from moving on because the man was still alive. This woman started feeling sexually tempted and instead of committing fornication decided to take a divorce option and remarried, but was shocked when she was relieved of every duty and was told God was done with her.
I am a stickler for obedience to constituted authority, but I feel when rules are not mixed with empathy we will create a world where people may die under the burden of our rules.
What would Jesus have done in the case above?
Having worked with some of the most troubled marriages around the globe in the last 16 years, you would know that I don’t endorse pressing the exit button when a marriage is troubled.
But I will also not suspend the life of the innocent to compensate an irresponsible spouse.
A man who has taken another wife and moved on with his life has declared himself dead to the existing relationship and what should forbid the hurting wife from moving on should be an express instruction from God to her (my opinion) and not a doctrine.
I don’t think the same God that can accept the woman in question and accept her offering will refrain from using her. That our marriages have worked doesn’t make us better people than those whose marriages have failed due to no fault of theirs and we must step into their shoes to feel what they feel or else we will make declarations that present God in a bad light.
God is not done with anyone whose marriage broke down, especially when every peaceful option had been explored. Two can only work together with agreement, but where one person has taken another wife and has moved on, I think the other person must be free to move on.
Who God uses for His glory is not determined by any man; it is actually determined by God.
I honour you.

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