Home FEATURED FAMILY SYSTEMS – Generalizations (6)

FAMILY SYSTEMS – Generalizations (6)


I once asked a lady why she was desperate to marry and she couldn’t answer the question. Eventually, she told me she was feeling very lonely and needed a companion and would appreciate just anyone because she was 37 at that time.
I dug further to run a belief check and realized everything she thought she knew about marriage was based on all she had seen in the movies. As a mater of fact, she was unsure of what she wanted for her life. After 2 hours in session with her, I simply realized she was responding to the pressure from her mother who wanted a grandchild as a matter of urgency.
One question I often ask singles is, ‘What would you have done with your life to affect humanity if marriage was not a possibility?’ Often times, we don’t think of the value we can add to the society or another person. All we think about is what to get.
Some of the greatest people that walked the surface of the earth were never married yet have remained unforgettable. This is not to discourage people from getting married; it is simply to help you understand that being single is not a disability. I don’t think anything is wrong with you. You have all it takes to maximize your life. Go ahead and enjoy yourself.
You can take yourself out, go on a vacation and make the best of friends the way you want. Your life must never be at the mercy of what society says. Today is the best day to start celebrating yourself.
Trust me, men run from desperate women or at least use and dump them. And who says you must marry a Nigerian? I thought what you wanted was marriage, not tribe? Why don’t you extend your search beyond the shores of your country and trust me, if you think you are a first world creature, stop looking for a spouse amidst third world people.
Closely related to this generalization is another generalization that concerns singles and that is ‘owning a car and having a house as a lady limits the chances of suitors.’
I find this very absurd. Unfortunately, it has held a lot of ladies back from maximizing their lives, expecting a Mr. Right that has never showed up. It goes to show how low we think of women and how there is a grand conspiracy against women.
And that is why you see a top management staff going around in buses and public transport simply because she doesn’t want men to think she would not be submissive. Truth be told, any man who is intimidated by what you have as a lady is too shallow to lead you as your husband, because his insecurity will eventually mess you up.
If a car, which is a transportation tool and your mega pay, which is a reward for the value you are adding to your organization is a threat to him, the bigger question is what else would threaten him about you? Small-minded men don’t deserve sound-minded babes and you have no right to reduce your excellence to meet a mediocre who can’t appreciate the value you can add to a relationship.
I don’t subscribe to arrogance on the part of any human being at all, but to expect someone to reduce what she deserves simply because she is expecting a man is unacceptable to me. It is not your affluence that limits your chances of getting married; often times, it is bad attitude or lack of quality friendship who can think at your level. I don’t believe a wealthy lady should disqualify a guy because he can’t measure up with your earnings. The big question is does he have the heart and the mental attitude to match up? You know a lazy guy when you meet one and you should be able to spot a potential husband when you see one.
No human being desires an insecure being because that insecurity is what will kill the relationship and that is why I often advice singles to have real friendships, because there is no pretense at that level. Pretense happens when someone who has not learnt how to build quality friendship wakes up and wants to pick a spouse. That is the reason for many errors and heart breaks, because the fundamental laws have been violated, which the late Bimbo Odukoya captured as ‘Take it slow and get to know.’
Bad attitude has got nothing to do with what you have and low self esteem and insecurity have got nothing to do with what you don’t have. There is no point suspending your deserved comfort and enjoyment for a cultural generalization that makes you believe the right man may never show up. Who says tomorrow will come?
I honour you.


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