In time past I have carefully studied products of polygamy and noticed two trends. Loads of them get the push to build a monogamous marriage while the others fall into the broken home trend.
One instructive thing I have consistently noticed in all of these is God’s blessings and how we struggle to take advantage of it. Follow me carefully…
A scattered man marries an organized woman yet he seeks to lead her in organizing the family no thanks to his cultural beliefs. He fails to see that his wife is God’s blessing to help him permanently break the cycle of disorganization which may be passed to his children. So instead of letting go and becoming a student to his wife he arrogantly takes the lead till he drags the family back into the exact thing he wanted to avoid.
A woman from a polygamous family who has been used to all sorts of suspicions and fights and bitterness marries a man from a monogamous family who has no history or memory of family strife and instead of submitting totally to his school to learn how to live without suspicion and enjoy the bliss of friendship she continues to fight him because she sees all his efforts to improve her as ‘lording’ things over her. So she starts to see him through the screen of her father till what happened in the life of her father becomes a reality in her marriage.
Friends, what you have a history and a memory of, has a very high tendency of repeating itself in your life and that is why God blesses you with a spouse who most likely doesn’t have that history so that you can spend a few years as his/her student till a new history is created to replace where you are coming from.
If you have a dysfunctional past there is no point flexing your muscles to prove a point when God’s blessing to break that cycle is already in your spouse.
If you have a history of lies and your spouse is honest you must submit to her school of honesty to escape the trap that messed up your parents;
If you have a history of distrust and pain then submit to the bliss and trustworthiness of your spouse so that you can learn and pick up a new culture till a state of mastery is achieved.
The greatest enemies of many marriages is our quest to be in charge when we should be learning and our self-sabotaging pattern of entitlement mentality. You alone know yourself. You alone know the areas you have consistently fallen short and if your spouse has consistently demonstrated success in those areas it cost nothing to become a mentee in those areas so that you can create the exact future you truly desire.
Humility never kills; It builds and creates a new future where a new history is written by your new nation(family)
Is the solution to your deepest problem hidden in the school called your spouse? Please don’t despise him/her. Go in as a student till a new pattern is established.
I honour you