Thanks so much for your love and feedback. I deeply appreciate your prayers as well. Today, I want to quickly deal with some generalizations whose acceptance have outlived their usefulness and whose continuous presence could threaten a lot of marriages. I have noticed over time across Africa that there are some heavy generalizations which we have come to accept over time and which may not be totally correct. You may need to pardon me this week because I will be wearing the cap of a professional and will put on the screen of a neutral so that I can give a balanced perspective.
Often times, people discuss marriage as an isolated concept unique only to a particular religion, but I would want to look at marriage as something that happens globally and in every nation. As a matter of fact, I want to look at it through the eyes of the globe, because if we must rebuild the world and the family, we must be able to come up with something that everyone can find useful irrespective of their race, religion, tribe or tradition.
1. The success of a marriage depends on the woman – I am sure you have heard this before and would like to state here that the success of a marriage is dependent on the two people involved, because it is a team, not an individual. One person can’t be asked to be responsible for the irresponsibility of another adult. Marriage is only as good as the two players and the strategy they have agreed to deploy, same way, a team can’t go farther than the strength and depth of the players.
A cultural man who has not overcome insecurity and who doesn’t understand who a woman and wife is will upset his home and suppress the originality of his wife. We can’t blame a wife for the problem in a home and that is why I don’t think it is fair to blame her for whatever happens. No matter how strong-willed a wife is, a weak-willed man is a virus that will ultimately crash the marital systems.
Each time I sit with troubled couples, I see a lot of ignorance because every marital problem is nothing but ignorance. What it takes to keep a family is neither money nor love; while both are important, the most critical factor is knowledge because that is the only ingredient whose absence guarantees peril.
The next time anyone makes that statement about the success of a home depending on a woman, please kindly correct them and let them know that a home without a proper family system will crash. God is not a magician; He is a God of process and if you don’t follow his principles for a successful home, one person may become the martyr whose dreams and aspirations may die for the other person’s to live. Is that what we want?
2. The way into a man’s heart is through his belly – This has led a whole generation into the error of gluttony. I believe this was crafted at a time that it was the sole responsibility of a woman to cook and when it was considered demeaning for men to cook. But we all know that the best chefs are now men and I am as good a cook as my wife for example, so how can food be the way to my belly?
The syllabus has changed and this doesn’t work for all men because some don’t care about food and by the way, does that mean every good cook finds her way into your heart as a man?
There are some men whose inroad into their lives may be food, but definitely not all men, because I will never sacrifice a well behaved woman for the best prepared meal.
Is the way to your heart your belly?
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