How does one become a gossip? Is there a pattern, style or expression that must be learnt before one is regarded as a qualified gossip? Are there different categories of gossips? Is there a place where you learn how to effectively use the rise and fall pitch of the voice while speaking? Is it an all comers affair? For women only? Or do men dabble into it? Etc, etc, etc.
Let me start with myself, although many people think of me as an extrovert, I consider myself to be an extreme introvert, why? Well, apart from the fact that I like to be by myself most times, especially when I want to write, plan an event or strategy for clients; I also find out that I am a very goooood listener! Yes, I listen to everything. What people say about themselves, what the say about others, what others say about them, what they read about people, and so on. Imagine! Now does that make me a gossip?
Is there a difference between gossip and back-biting? Hmm! Some people say there are harmless and harmful gossips. When someone decides to spread a rumour about someone else, whether it is true or false is not the issue, but the fact that you are telling the world secrets that were confided in your care. I hope I am making sense here.
So how does one qualify to become a gossip? By initiating the story? By listening? By verbal contribution? By spreading the story further to more ears? I am a bit confused. If for example, a friend of mine, gets married to this dashing guy, who buys her a brand new SUV as a gift, and takes her to the Caribbean for their honeymoon, and spends almost every waking second with her; if I happen to visit this friend and I see how happy she is with her choice, and in my joy, I go out to share this great news with other friends of ours, telling them how happy I am for my friend, am I gossiping?
If there is an issue that we read in the papers, about a man claiming his wife slept with his father and father in-law, or even added his brother to it; and everybody is talking about it, analyzing whether the accusations are true or false, and what would be the best solution to this family feud, and what they expected from the man or whoever; since everybody is talking about this – the clergyman, Scientist, Banker, Civil servant, Engineer, Student, Housewife, Taxi driver, Politician, and even Okada rider – Does this mean that we are all gossips? Are we supposed to mind our own business? Are we supposed to behave as if the matter does not concern us? Are we talking because we are concerned? Or because it is a sweet way to ridicule whoever is concerned? Are we gossips?
What are we teaching our youths? Is gossip an attribute we would want our children, nephews and nieces to imbibe? Do we show them worthy examples to copy? Image damaging or privacy invasion with words are definitely not what we want our future generation to take up as character traits. So I’m asking is gossip good or bad? I’d like us to be the judges.
Longman Dictionary defines gossip as (1) conversation or information about other people’s behaviour and private lives, often unkind or untrue remarks (2) Someone who likes talking about other people’s private lives. (3) To spend time talking to someone about other things that do not concern you. There! Now you know what and who a gossip is.
In my opinion I believe we are all guilty; whether they are good or bad.
Personally, I accept gossip as a way of life. You cannot help but talk about someone, and others cannot help but talk about you. Simple! However, when we twist our stories to have negative and untrue elements, then it becomes harmful; back-biting. I have sat and listened to the different ways gossips start. Sometimes it is not usually planned, but in the course of talking, it springs up, and overtakes the initial flow of the conversation. You begin to hear addendum like “really?” “You don’t mean it” “Na lie!” “Na wa o!” and expressions like that. You listen to the talebearer with rapt attention, you adjust your collar and tie, you loosen up your braids, kick off your shoes, stretch out your legs, and even offer to buy drinks and suya so that the gist will flow smoothly! Haba!!! All for gossip?!
But hey, what would this life be without it? I think it would be so boring and unimaginable. I believe gossip is a way of life. We are eager to know what is happening in the lives of celebrities, clergymen and women, leaders of our nation, and friends. Even my father says that is the way to know what is happening around you at all times. So again I say we are all gossips, whether good or bad.
Oh before I forget, when next you want to indulge in that juicy gossip, try to ensure it has no damaging effect, so when I also talk about you, I will not do the same.
Ooops! Did I let that slip?
(from the Living it up series)
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