I know there’s so much currently going on about domestic violence, especially as it concerns men beating up their wives and, sometimes, hurting them mortally (killing them). Like he did with most subjects, my late father did share a few thoughts on that with me. Now, he didn’t wait till I was ready to marry. He started from when I was a little kid. But the way, it’s a rather long read by today’s fleeting standards, but be patient with me, please:
I’m the first in a family of 10 kids, a local government, as we used to describe it jocularly. Teachers, my parents had sufficient time after school and the result was there for all to see-8 boys and two girls. I have an immediate younger sister, who, like most kid sisters, was very rude to me. She challenged me on everything and got me mad all the time. So, I used to beat her up. And every time I beat her up, my Dad would flog me but would never touch her.
One day, he called me to where he sat under our famous almond tree and told me that only a cowardly man beats up a woman. He told me a strong man would always restrain himself from hitting a woman. RESTRAINT, he explained, is a sign of maturity and courage. Then, he warned me that any time I ever fought with or beat my sister, he would punish me and spare her-no matter what she did to me. And that was it!
Hmmmm! My sister, troublesome https://www.acheterviagrafr24.com/viagra-definition/ babe then, she seized upon that warning as a Magna Carta to insult me, to provoke me. I fell for it a couple of times and got thoroughly wasted, but most of the time, I avoided trouble. Then, I grew into it. I not only avoided anything that would bring me into confrontation with her or any other woman for that matter, I showed remarkable restraint anytime anything came up. And that has been my story till date. By the way, I once overheard my father talking to my sister and generally admonishing her for standing up to me all the time. He told her, to my hearing, a good woman doesn’t stand up to a man, be he a brother of husband.
Perhaps, my story would have been different had my father told me something else and did something else-like good Pharisees do. I can’t ever remember him beating up my mother. I did hear them quarrel and argue (mostly over the meager resources they had to train up a whole football team) but I can’t recall any violence. Of course, my Dad also told me when I grew up that rather than even quarrel or argue with my spouse that I should leave the place for another place (meaning take a walk or drive out) and come back later.
Most men who abuse their wives physically or psychologically or both learnt it from their fathers. They saw their fathers do it and nothing happened. Like most kids, they picked up the habit while growing up. And their sorry Dads could not do or say anything since they lacked the moral justification to say or do anything- being accomplished wife-beaters.
I am a strong advocate against domestic violence, and I will personally TAKE OUT any man who beats up my sister. And I mean the word literally, except I don’t get to know in which case she might be killed before I know. That has been the case with most women who have been killed or badly hurt by men. They kept quiet and managed until they died.
In some cases, these women have married someone against popular advise and they, therefore, won’t know how to open up. Some ask, “whom do I leave the kids for?” Yet they die and leave the kids still. Others get carried away by the cash, cars, vacations, jewelry and other gifts that follow the beatings. Others just want to keep up with the Joneses by hanging in there and living a lie. Yet, others are misled by stupid pastors and even stupider parents to “continue to manage and ask for God’s intervention”!!!
My sister, the first time a man beats you should be very last time. Absolutely. And this is simply because, if he has beaten you before, he will beat you again. No amount of apologies or gifts will stop it. It’s like a dog that’s tasted blood and will will never stop biting. Cowards, such men even bring home pent up anger from outside and visit it upon their innocent wives.
Sigmund Freud says man, by nature, is imbued by aggressive instincts which lies in wait for the least provocation….” By man, Freud meant both men and women. So, RESTRAINT is key when tempers fly, and men must realize they are stronger and can cause serious harm before coming back to their senses. By then, the harm has been done and it’s already too late as we have seen many ghastly incidents over the years.
Now, I don’t care how rude, abusive or insolent a woman is. I don’t really care. A real man must not raise his hands against a woman except to remove her dress, her bra or her thongs or all and to touch her in pleasant places. Besides, the devil thrives where everything is good. The relationship between man and woman is a very sweet thing and the devil is forever fighting to destroy such with anger, violence, etc. With this in mind, couples can really pray for peace and unity. My Father told me that he used to put certain controversial issues openly in prayers, when he prayed privately with my mother, and the impact was unbelievable-if you get what I mean.
When I hear that couples living under one roof keep malice for days-and some men even refuse to eat-I’m like how? For what? As how? So, dem no go dey do for night or what?
Finally, if a wife-beater doesn’t kill his wife, his wife will one day kill him. Who knows why most men really die before their wives? Who knows? It’s not really by power. If you kill, you will be killed by law, anyways.
Those who have ears, let them hear.