I have always felt there was something inherently fake about Zodiac signs and horoscopes. Even as a child, I knew they were a joke. For some reason, I found the idea of finding out what was going to happen to you on a particular day on the pages of a newspaper quite unbelievable. And then those Zodiac signs generally looked demonic, even though I really had no experience with demons or their first cousins, Marine spirits, at that time. Curiously, I am not sure Marine spirits were that popular when I was growing up. Maybe they were still growing then and had not developed those body parts, tinted eyes and complexions that have made them irresistible to men and a threat to marriages everywhere. We knew about ‘Emere’, that mischievous spirit child that skipped between the spirit and terrestrial world at will, exhibiting insight and wisdom far beyond its years. There was ‘Abiku’, the one that kept resurrecting. It was even said that the ‘Abiku’ sometimes came back complete with all the scars of defacement the frustrated parents, under the direction of the local priest, put on it in an effort to discourage it from coming back. I never actually saw this. Maybe I was too young. Maybe it never happened. The Igbos call such recalcitrant children ‘Ogbanje’. And then there was ‘Egbere’, the mat carrier, who was constantly crying for no clear cause.
I remember that the first time I ever heard the word ‘Egbere’ was when I was about eight years old or so. We had a maid with facial tribal marks as generous as her bosom. One day, my hand mistakenly made contact with ‘Anti’ Kehinde’s bosom. Scout’s honour, it was a mistake! She pinched my ear until I was sure I could feel blood flowing down my cheeks. I later saw that it was tears. When asked what I did to deserve punishment, she replied that I touched her ‘omu’ (first time I ever heard that too) and I was now “crying like Egbere”. I hated her and her horrible ‘omu’ with a passion and was only too glad to see the back of her, literally. Anyway, ‘Egbere’ is believed to be some kind of malevolent spirit, living in the forest and going about weeping, while carrying a mat. It is said that if a man could lay hold of Egbere’s mat (usually after a tough fight), he would be rich beyond his dreams. He would however have to survive for 7 days after the theft, during which Egbere would comb the earth in search of its mat. Woe betide the mat thief if Egbere chances upon him unprepared.
As I was saying about Zodiac signs. Even as a young boy back in secondary school, I knew there was some falsehood about all this strange, ‘oyinbo’ symbols having some kind of relationship with people like Amos. Amos, or Don Poster, as we called him loved his astrology. His favourite writer was some Tibetan monk called Lobsang Rampa who wrote some really strange stuff. Don Poster could swear by him and he quoted him the way some of us quoted passages from Julius Ceaser. I could never understand why the fact that you were born between some specific days during the year determine what your character traits would be? If you were easily taken advantage of by friends without ever being able to say No, then you were Taurus, “strong and reliable”. If you were jumping like a Boy Scout and acting before thinking, you were said to be Aries, “eager and quick”! As for you the Amebo, always poking your nose into other people’s business and shedding crocodile tears, you were Gemini, “curious and kind”! And so on and so forth. You would never see any one of them tell you the truth and say that the reason you were an insufferable so and so, who thought the world started and ended with you was because you were a Leo. Instead, the Astrologer would say you are “Leo, fiery and confident”!
And people fell for that stuff. Some using it to choose partners, that they are told are compatible with their Star sign. That nonsense was common back in those days. I had a friend who would go and find out what the zodiac sign of a girl he was interested in was before making his move. He would then claim to be the compatible star sign, whatever it was. If she was Libra, then he was Capricorn. If she was Gemini, then his birthday would change, and he became Leo. Whatever worked. People checked the daily horoscope to determine if they would hit the jackpot or get hit by a bus that day. Thank God for Pentecostalism. The more people became ‘born again’, the more they shifted away from relying on horoscopes. The flip side though is that Marine spirits showed up, along with all the other demons who had been chilling and giving the stars-bound creatures a free pass.
My interest in the Zodiac signs today was however piqued by an item I saw about a 13th Zodiac symbol being added to the original 12. Ophiuchus, for those born between November 29 and December 1, is said to be represented by a Serpent-bearer. People born under this sign are said to be curious, open to change, and passionate. Sounds familiar? Before you start celebrating these new characteristics you never knew you had, be aware that people born under this sign are also said to be secretive, egotistical, and likely to run away from home at an early age. What should be of greater interest to all the astrology lovers and star gazers is that with the new Sign, there has had to be a realignment of dates to accommodate the new guys, so you might need to go crosscheck where you now fall and begin to act like your new Sign expects of you. For example, I used to be Aries but I have now been shunted to Taurus, which is rather inconvenient because all the excuses for behaving the way I used to behave are no longer valid as people under my Zodiac sign are not ‘known for that’! I am still studying the new chart though. I’m sure I’ll find one that conforms with my worldview!