The year 2011 was one of my saddest in my 14 years of handling sex and sexuality issues, because it was the day child pornography was introduced into main stream Nigeria. I saw how weak and helpless we had become as a nation as the video of an 11 year old Nigerian girl in Warri was shot having sex with a 5 year old boy and we all went about our normal business as usual, without doing anything about it. That day for me was the day we mortgaged the future of the younger generation and I must confess that we all failed these children. I never thought I would see the day that child pornography would happen in Nigeria, having handled several cases of sex among 6 year olds in the country, but alas it is here with us. I honestly feel every parent must rise this time and empower our children. Today, my plan was to publish more questions from the Nigerian child, but all that changed when I received an SMS from another young Nigerian child currently being violated.
Dear Uncle,
My sister’s husband kisses me and fingers me and I always enjoy it, but I want to stop it because I am still a virgin. I love my sister’s husband and feel satisfied when he is doing it. What do I do? Please, reply sir.
Angela A. (not real names)- 13 years
Here is another case of a Nigerian child whose childhood had been stolen. The problem here is the fact that she had started enjoying the act that is not going to be easy for her to stop because her system is already re-conditioned to derive pleasure through the act.
Many of us might want to disagree that it was consensual, but I am so certain that it wasn’t a pleasant experience when it started. But over a period of time, she had gotten accustomed to a wrong that she had rationalized it to be the right thing.
I have started talking to the girl with the hope that she picks up eventually, but it should be a wake- up call for many of us. I pray we won’t lose our future.
Here are some tips for the Nigerian parent to help check-mate child sexual abuse:
– Warn your girl child never to sit on anyone’s laps, no matter the situation
– Avoid getting dressed in front of your child once he/she is above 18 months. Learn to excuse yourself
– If you have to hire a house-help, please kindly take them for HIV screening to determine their HIV status, properly interview them and make up your mind to treat them well
– Never allow any adult refer to your new born as ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’
– Never tempt your husband with your younger sister. Avoid unnecessary familiarity and make sure you take care of your husband by yourself, lest you lead him into temptation
– Whenever your child goes out to play with friends, make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they engaged in because young people now sexually abuse themselves
– Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult
– Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn, you might need to patiently ask a lot of questions from your child
– If you don’t teach your children about sex, the society will teach them the wrong values
– It is always advisable you go through any new material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves
– Teach your 2 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas, and that includes you
– Blacklist some materials you think could threaten the sanity of your child (that includes music, movies and musicians) and let them understand the value of standing out from the crowd
– Once your child complains about a particular person, don’t keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show them you can defend them
– If it is possible, live in your house alone with your children when they attain their pre-teenage years
Finally, pray and communicate with your children on a daily basis. But, above all, observe them and ask relevant questions in love.
God bless Nigeria. Great children! Great future.
NB: Empower your children with Family Friendly Child Sexuality Education Kit-18months-18years. My latest book, Strictly For Wives is also available now.
NB: First published July 2014