Folu and her family had just recently emigrated to South Africa and, naturally, they sought out and started attending a Nigerian Church. Though they lived in the more affluent part of Johannesburg, the church they chose to attend was in downtown Brixton as there were no Nigerian churches in the neighbourhood where they lived. So, they went downtown where most of the African churches were located. That was where the souls that needed saving were to be found anyway. The upper-class had very little use for deliverance prayers and the middle-class were fond of over-thinking everything, creating unnecessary problems for the man of God. The downtrodden had little to hope for except miracles and that could only be delivered through the Pastor under the ‘unction for action’ of the holy ghost. Anyway, Folu and her family decided to attend the early service of the Peculiar People Assembly in Brighton that fine Sunday morning and that is where she received her baptism of fire!
Now, don’t get me wrong. Folu’s baptism, even though it was of fire, was not of the fire of the holy ghost. It was the fire of the criminal underbelly that has been South Africa since the fall of apartheid. This was in 1999, 5 years after Mandela had become the country’s first black President and the dream of most of the uneducated and impoverished South African blacks of becoming suddenly rich had begun to fade into the dawn of reality. Crime was a ready fall-back position and with the lax enforcement of laws and rising corruption, large swathes of the country was no longer safe. Brighton, and the church it hosted was not an exception. The congregation was all decked in their Sunday best as it was the first Sunday of the month. It was time for thanksgiving, tithes, and first fruits. It was in the days before POS terminals made their appearances in church and bank transfers to church accounts were practically unheard of. The holy tabernacle was awash with cash!
Folu was deep in prayers when she felt the presence of evil. She opened one eye without stopping her exhortation. Even though she had been a protected silver-spoon kid growing up in Nigeria, the Naija spirit in her told her there was something off about the fellow standing next to her, even before she saw the empty beer bottle in his hand. She immediately opened the other eye. Almost simultaneously, she saw a gun-wielding young man walk up to the altar and collect the microphone from the worship leader, who by now had stopped worshipping. He announced to everyone to remain on their seats, and they would not be harmed. Speaking bad English in the distinctive Zulu accent common in the area, he said ushers would now go round to collect their offerings. It would be all cash, jewellery, phones and any other thing of value they had on them. He requested that they continue praying out loud while the robbery was going on. This order was not particularly difficult for the congregation to comply with. He admonished them to remember they were in church and must be honest and not try to hide anything as God was watching them. If anyone disobeyed, judgement would be swift, and punishment would be instant. Two female gang members holding black bin bags went from row to row, collecting their loot. Another two stood by the door of the church acting as ushers and directing new arrivals into the church before they could realise what was going on. They made good their escape and were never caught.
A similar incident was captured on a CCTV video that went viral a few days ago. Same South Africa but this time in a Ghanaian Pentecostal church. The thieves came in and took the microphone off the Pastor and set about robbing the congregation. They were quite relaxed and did not seem to be in any great hurry. They definitely did not appear to be afraid of getting struck down by lightning for desecrating the house of God. And there have been other similar incidents, including even in Nigeria. What would have been unspeakable and unimaginable in the days of old now take place with impunity. The person that sent me the video of the robbery of the Ghanaian church asked me a question. How have things gotten so bad that there is now such irreverence shown to the places of worship? Could it be that people no longer feared God? How could people have the temerity to interrupt an on-going service to rob the worshippers? In response to his question, I sent him a video clip which I had received earlier in the day: “This is one of the main reasons why it is happening” I said to him.
The clip I shared with him was of a church in Warri. The Pastor, intoxicated with love for his wife who was celebrating her birthday abandoned all pretences to anything godly, showing modesty the middle finger and doing ‘waka’ to his congregation gave her a key and asked her to go into his office and unlock her gift. She was followed by the camera crew who kept the broadcast going on the large screens in the church. She opened the safe and lo and behold!!! It was full of neatly stacked thousand-naira notes. The Pastor, who had kept up a running commentary of this debauchery all the while cackled, to the delight of the rapturous members: “That is 55 million naira. I have just given my wife 55 million naira for her birthday”! Now, I will not suggest this was money from the tithes and offerings of his long-suffering members. It could very well have come from some other legitimate source. I will not ask for his tax returns from the previous years to show how much he paid in taxes to be able to afford a gift of N55m in cash to his wife for her birthday. That is for the government to do. Along with interrogating any breaches of the law relating to the possession of such cash. As Mummy G.O. rolled on the floor in ecstatic worship of the money, I remembered a couple of verses from the bible. In 1 Timothy 6:10, the Bible says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil”. For a Mummy G.O. to be so lovestruck by the sight of cash that she would go flat on her face (and eventually pass out) is telling. The other verse I remembered was from 1 Corinthians 6 where Paul says, “All things are lawful unto me, but not all things are expedient”. The fact that something is not breaking the law does not make it right to do. A Pastor more than the congregation ought to know that. This brazen show of Mormon worship was not expedient. What is bad is bad.
And two other things
Everywhere Wike
The fight between Wike and his protégé in the Government House in Port Harcourt is as entertaining as it is saddening. The show of shame is a damning commentary on democracy in Nigeria. Even though the storyline has been played out over and over since the advent of the current democratic experiment, the debacle in Port Harcourt probably stands out by reason of the swiftness with which it unfolded. Barely five months in office, the Governor faced impeachment. Not for violating the Constitution or his oath of office. No. He was to be impeached for violating his ‘agreement’ with his master and turning his back on whatever oath he had taken to serve Wike first and foremost before the people of Rivers State. And this expectation by Wike to rule Rivers by proxy from Abuja was not unfounded. By his own admission, he installed the Governor and practically all members of the State House of Assembly. In a news conference, he declared that he single-handedly bought forms for all of them and he could have stopped Fubara from being Governor. In a country that is governed by laws and is a practicing democracy, Wike should not be sitting in Government today, but this is Nigeria. Rather than be taken to task for his assault on democracy, delegations upon delegations have been going on begging pilgrimages to Abuja. Today, I saw a picture of the Governor clinging to Wike’s knees in supplication. And the people of Rivers will say their votes counted.
Thank God it’s over!?
At long last, the protracted legal challenge to the election of the President, Bola Ahmed Tinubu has come to an end, five months after he was sworn into office. While his supporters have been jubilant, which is to be expected, those on the other side of the judgement have been less ecstatic, also to be expected. The issues raised might not have been sufficiently addressed to offer closure to many (including neutrals and even some who support the President) and it is a shame. It is a shame that we had to go down this hole at all. It rankles, and no matter what the next three and half years hold, the stench raised will remain stuck to the nostrils of most right-thinking people. The soap that will go a long way to wash it out will be visible leadership that translates into improved life for Nigerians. That is what will ensure that the choice made by Nigerians, IN SPITE OF All, was the smart one.
The PDP candidate Atiku Abubakar has promised to keep fighting. I really don’t know what he means, and I doubt if he knows himself. If he wants to do something for the country that is really useful, he should deploy his considerable clout to engaging the lawmakers to amend the electoral laws to ensure that any challenges to anyone’s electoral victory are dispensed with BEFORE they are sworn into office. The idea that a man can be President or Governor for 6 months and then be removed after carrying out actions with irreversible consequences is strange and does not portray us as a serious country.
- Bakare is a columnist with YES INTERNATIONAL! Magazine